worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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