I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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