yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
