i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We had sex on a dog bed..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
