PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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