some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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