God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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