Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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