after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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