The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
