you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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