As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
did i just pee glitter
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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