Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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