The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
