So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Two words: blizzard sex
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
