Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We got so high we made milksteak
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
