U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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