Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
