I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
