I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
