She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
