You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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