i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
