Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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There's always time for handjobs
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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