I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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