Cold hands, warm shart.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
