Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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