Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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