she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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