it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Someone shattered a urinal.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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