apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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