were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
