it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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