Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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