Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's never too late to be topless.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
