Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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