For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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