we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
