Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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