Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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