Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
