There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
