this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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