Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
