i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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