His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
