I wanna bring you to show and tell
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
