I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
