You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
