apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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