just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
