Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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