Cold hands, warm shart.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
