Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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