she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
