Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
