Non-Jews are for practice
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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