I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
