dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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