I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
