Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
