I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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