he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
