apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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